Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Separation Anxiety

WARNING: Typical newlywed jabber to follow.

I need some help ladies. Either reassurance or a slap in the face. :)

See, I was invited to a Bachelorette party this Saturday night, and have plans to go. We're going to dinner, then back to the host's house for a lingerie party, & everyone's sleeping over. Sounds great, right?

Well, I'm totally sure it will be, except for one little thing: Z & I haven't spent a night apart since we got married. I know it has to come sometime, but I'm just not ready for it yet. I'm still in the stage where I absolutely cherish those minutes that we snuggle & spend talking before falling asleep each night. And to be 100% honest, right now I'd rather do that than fall asleep at someone else's house.

So here are the circumstances:
  • The bride & host are friends I met about a year & 1/2 ago. They're super sweet, fun girls, and I enjoy spending time with them, but we're really not that close. Basically just see eachother or talk on facebook once in a while type friends.
  • Z & I have very busy weekends planned for the next month, which means more time apart.
  • We've been married for 6 months. And still have hearts in our eyes. I admit it. :)
  • Two of Z's sisters are going. Which means I'd have to come up with a reason why I'm leaving early that wouldn't cause them to give me a hard time forever.
I'm contemplating leaving once all the "party" stuff is over- when most everyone's getting in their PJ's & stuff.

So what do you guys think? Am I just a pathetic newlywed? Is this okay to do?

(this, from a girl who may or may not still have her baby blanket hidden in her adult bedroom.. yes, I have separation anxiety!) :)

image source


B said...

its completely fine to not spend the night!! go have fun w/ the girls, show support, and then go home and snuggle-- she'll understand, promise! i hope anyone w/ a hot hubby would! lol ;)

Mandy said...

I completely understand where you're coming from. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and I still HATE to be away from him at all! As long as you go for the early party no one should be what makes you happy!

Mary Michal said...

Awww...that's so sweet! I don't think anyone would mind if you go, have a blast, then go home to your hubby.

d.a.r. said...

Okay, so you wanted honesty right?

I kind of want to tell you that you are being ridiculous, that girlfriends are necessary for sanity, that you might meet more girls to hang with/become closer to the ones you already sort of know, it will be fun, you have a million and a half more nights with your husband, and that ONE night won't kill you.

But, since my husband has been around for less than 6 months of the 18 months we've been married, and we've spent less than 3months in a row at each time actually living together, I totally get where you are coming from. We actually just had this conversation while he was home on leave--we both totally blow off our friends to hang out with each other while he is home. Heck, we both even blow off family! We're hoping that we still have friends left once we get out of the Army in May 2011, haha. I get it, I really do.

But at the same time, you need girlfriend time as well. I think that you should def. go and go out to dinner, stay for the lingerie party portion of the evening, and maybe even hang out for a while once everyone's changed into their PJs. There could be good gossip! :) But get a decent excuse to cover your hide so you don't take any flak from your SILs and just let them know at the beginning at that you have to leave at 11pm or 12pm or whatever.

Good luck. I can definitely understand the "hearts in our eyes" feeling :)

mrs.leah.maria said...

Ooh, I've soo been there and completely regretted spending the night... But that being said my relationship with the girls I was with was solid and the reason we were spending the night was because her husband was gone! Anywho, my issues. Lol.

I really like dars point, you never know if a new best friend will develop!

The Ratpack said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I would much rather hang out with my husband most of the time, especially at the 6 month point! Maybe he can have a guys night that night, and then you both are out a little late, but still get to come home to each other.

I wouldn't be spending the night either, if it makes you feel better. The bride will find out soon enough that things are just kind of different that way after you get married!

Jasmine said...

If it were me in the same situation I would probably go for the party and then leave late... skip the sleep over. I've been married to my husband for almost 3 years and I still don't like going to bed without him!!! So I definately don't blame you. I'd say if they really were "friends" they'd want you to do what makes you happy :) Those who mind, don't matter... and those who matter, don't mind.

S. said...

aww c! i totally understand what you are saying! one week after B and i were married he had to go spend an entire week down in denver for the DNC as a camera man and it about KILLED ME!! i spent the first night alone then spent the rest of the week with my parents.i could not stand being alone!

if i were you, i would not sleep over. the only circumstance i would do that is if it was out of town and going to be too late to drive home. if any of those women are married they should understand as well...good luck!

Anonymous said...

You are too sweet!

If it were me, I'd plan on leaving, but maybe throw an overnight bag in the trunk just in case. I usually find that I don't always want to go out w/out the husband (lame, I know! yay newlyweds!), but once I'm out, I usually have a fabulous time.

When it gets to be sleep time, you could just politely excuse yourself (maybe you have to be up early the next morning?), or stay if you're having a great time.

Justine said...

Hi! I just found your blog from 20SB! LOVE it! :)

I would go, have fun, stay for the party part, but come up with an excuse and don't stay the night. Maybe bring stuff just in case you decide you want to? I'm a super in decisive person and like to have options! :)

Lori said...

ok.. coming from a SIL that won't be at the party & having been married for 6 years. I feel a little of both... I understand not wanting to be away from the hubby it was probably 6+ months before we spent a night apart. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, but looking back it made life easier if you every have to do it again.

You will one day spend a night apart. We now spend every 3rd night apart because of hubby's work schedule. Not that I like being alone in my bed, but it has gotten easier.

You should really go to the party! You need to get out, spend time with friends and family. Enjoy yourself. Take your pj's and when time come to change, and you don't feel comfortable doing it. Just tell everyone the truth.. don't make an excuse, because then later you may have to make more excuses to go along with that one.

You might get some flack, but in the end it won't matter.

Plus you never know you might have fun and make some better friends...I have skipped out on things and later regretted it. I have also wanted to skip out on things but decided to go & ended up having a wonderful time.

Brett Alexandra said...


If you want to leave at the end of the night then leave. If you change your mind and are like "Hey, this isn't so bad" then stay! You never know--you might change that mind of yours. Don't feel pressured!

Do what you want, though. :)