Father you know what I've been through with this whole house process. You know that I've been broken and that I've given up my desires for Your will. You are my hiding place in the flurry of acreage, contracts, lenders, offers, and square footage. I've shut down my feelings and heart on the whole shebang. I've gone into a stage where I let You and Z do the house hunting and deciding.
So Lord, I need to know if it was You yesterday. Was it You that shut down another house opportunity we were looking at? I need to know if it was You speaking to Z. Did You give him that feeling that he wanted to get out of here? Did You help him find that awesome house back home? Why have you slammed the "doors" in our faces on all these houses? Is it because we're really supposed to move back home?
You know how my heart has broken over missing my home and my family. You know about the countless nights I've cried quietly (sometimes violently) into Z's arms. You know the guilt I've felt about missing out on my sisters growing up. Lord, you know how much I've wanted to go back.
And just when I'd all but given up on doing that.. a glimmer of hope surfaces. Z's on the phone with my dad asking about job opportunities up there, and looking into renting moving vans. It's too real. It's too close to perfect. It's almost too much to handle if it's not going to happen.
I know You don't tease Your people, Lord. But I'm so afraid this is going to feel like a big tease. Lord, please guard my heart. Please take it and protect it from being broken again. Take my hopes and my fears, and in exchange, give me as much faith as you can spare.
I know you're preparing me for something great. I know you're building my faith so that I can share it. I know that no matter where we end up, you've given me the greatest gift I could ask for in my husband. And I will follow Him anywhere.. especially because I know he's following You. So Father, please just hold my heart and guide us..
I'm sure you all get the gist of what's going on.. and I'd really appreciate your prayers. :)
& If you're a new reader & have no idea what's going on, you can look at the posts with the label "Houses".
16 hours ago