Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Lord, It's Me... Please Guide..

Father you know what I've been through with this whole house process. You know that I've been broken and that I've given up my desires for Your will. You are my hiding place in the flurry of acreage, contracts, lenders, offers, and square footage. I've shut down my feelings and heart on the whole shebang. I've gone into a stage where I let You and Z do the house hunting and deciding.

So Lord, I need to know if it was You yesterday. Was it You that shut down another house opportunity we were looking at? I need to know if it was You speaking to Z. Did You give him that feeling that he wanted to get out of here? Did You help him find that awesome house back home? Why have you slammed the "doors" in our faces on all these houses? Is it because we're really supposed to move back home?

You know how my heart has broken over missing my home and my family. You know about the countless nights I've cried quietly (sometimes violently) into Z's arms. You know the guilt I've felt about missing out on my sisters growing up. Lord, you know how much I've wanted to go back.

And just when I'd all but given up on doing that.. a glimmer of hope surfaces. Z's on the phone with my dad asking about job opportunities up there, and looking into renting moving vans. It's too real. It's too close to perfect. It's almost too much to handle if it's not going to happen.

I know You don't tease Your people, Lord. But I'm so afraid this is going to feel like a big tease. Lord, please guard my heart. Please take it and protect it from being broken again. Take my hopes and my fears, and in exchange, give me as much faith as you can spare.

I know you're preparing me for something great. I know you're building my faith so that I can share it. I know that no matter where we end up, you've given me the greatest gift I could ask for in my husband. And I will follow Him anywhere.. especially because I know he's following You. So Father, please just hold my heart and guide us..


I'm sure you all get the gist of what's going on.. and I'd really appreciate your prayers. :)

& If you're a new reader & have no idea what's going on, you can look at the posts with the label "Houses".


b is for brown said...

i admire your faith.

i am keeping you in my thoughts.

Jorden and Kristin said...

just shot a prayer up for you! i'll be praying until I hear what turns out! i hope you are able to move home! that would be great for you! :)

Jen said...

Aww, C. Hang in there! You are so strong and faithful, and I am certain that big things are around the corner for you and Z! Will keep you guys in my prayers!

Courtney said...

I can absolutely relate, we are trying to buy a house right now and everything is so frustrating! I thought it would be fun but it's more stressful. And I recently moved away from my family too. Not that far but far enough that I don't have daily interactions with them anymore and it breaks my heart. Good luck with everything, God has a plan

Carol said...

Sending prayers! Just remember, He has a plan for everything... I know it hard to see that sometimes though.

La Nouvelle Femme said...

I'll be praying for you, too. I understand how frustrated you must be after this whole process, anyone would be. I admire you for handling it so well, though. Just keep thinking about how great it will be when it finally works out!

SnoWhite said...

Amen. Praying that prayer for you and with you. You expressed some of the very same things my hubby and I are facing right now.

Lucy Marie said...

Praying for you always.

mrs.leah.maria said...

Oh hun, I hear your heart and know that God without a doubt hearts it more!