Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! We're on the same team!
We shouldn't be facing each other when disagreements come up, we should be facing the disagreement together. Make sense? In case I just lost you- here's my LAME illustration. :)
We start out aiming at the problem from different sides, but usually we get so passionate we 'overshoot' and end up wounding the other person. If you first come together and unite yourselves, you can attack the problem together. Oh yeah, the orange blob is the problem. Attack the problem, not each other. :)I like to compare it to a sports team or a family.
When you're part of a team, you will not go far without team unity and loyalty. And with my family, they came first no matter what. Doing things for friends came after doing things for my family. They were my TEAM. And if it came down to it, I'd choose my team, or my family over anyone or anything else. If you're in a game and a player from the opposite team intentionally fouls and injures someone on your team, you're gonna work your butt off trying to shut them down the rest of the game.Why? 'Cause that's where your loyalty lies. If anyone does something to hurt the team, it clearly defines them as the opponent.
I realized that Z is my number one partner in this life - my number one teammate. When a problem or a disagreement comes up, it should be something that we team up and tackle together. If another human being says or does anything negative to our relationship it should only bring us closer together and make us stronger. Even if we may feel that we agree with someone else more than with each other, our loyalty has to lie with our spouse. Simply "taking sides" with someone else can create a wall between us.
We were serious when we took those vows. And we're still serious about them now. We made a commitment to fight for our marriage no matter what. And when the goal is to vanquish the problem, and not convince or defeat the other person, we have a common goal, something that we can fight for together. So instead of problems causing a split, they give us something to work together on. And boy, is that a whole lot healthier for our relationship!!
Us sporting our "team" T-shirts the night before our wedding. The backs said BRIDE 08 & GROOM 08.
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3 comments:
Holy cow - this is SO true! It's so easy to get caught up in the moment, though and forget that you're actually on the same team... and sometimes it's even difficult to remember that the hubby is your #1 teammate... Especially when he interviews for a job without your knowledge and then ends up acing the interview and is now moving to Michigan to begin a new adventure without you because you'll be in MN cleaning the house so that *hopefully* someone will buy it. :)
Yep, I know we're in this together, and that we're doing this to have a better future for our family, but sometimes, when I'm focused on having to live alone and clean our house all by myself everyday, it's easy to forget! :) Deep Breath.
PS Love your hair in the photo... what products do you use? I am looking for something new for my curlies. :)
It is tough, girl. You're definitely in a tough position, but in the end- your marriage will thank you for keeping perspective! Hang in there!!
Thank you! This was after about 12 hours of decorating our reception hall, so I'm flattered! :) I use Satinique products- a gel, and a spritz hair spray while blow drying. I love them! Since I order them though, I use Aussie if I need something in a pinch. :)
What a great message, C! Thanks for sharing your insight. I really gained some perspective from your little diagrams. It is so true, so often we come at things as though one of us has to be right and the other one has to be wrong. Looking at it this way is definitely a better perspective.
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