God gave me a little reminder last night about how we need to view our marriage. Z and I have really been trying to figure some things out lately, and make some important decisions. We disagree on a decently important issue, and it was beginning to feel like the fact that we had opposite beliefs was getting between us.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! We're on the same team!
We shouldn't be facing each other when disagreements come up, we should be facing the disagreement together. Make sense? In case I just lost you- here's my LAME illustration. :) We start out aiming at the problem from different sides, but usually we get so passionate we 'overshoot' and end up wounding the other person. If you first come together and unite yourselves, you can attack the problem together. Oh yeah, the orange blob is the problem. Attack the problem, not each other. :)
I like to compare it to a sports team or a family.
When you're part of a team, you will not go far without team unity and loyalty. And with my family, they came first no matter what. Doing things for friends came after doing things for my family. They were my TEAM. And if it came down to it, I'd choose my team, or my family over anyone or anything else. If you're in a game and a player from the opposite team intentionally fouls and injures someone on your team, you're gonna work your butt off trying to shut them down the rest of the game.Why? 'Cause that's where your loyalty lies. If anyone does something to hurt the team, it clearly defines them as the opponent.
I realized that Z is my number one partner in this life - my number one teammate. When a problem or a disagreement comes up, it should be something that we team up and tackle together. If another human being says or does anything negative to our relationship it should only bring us closer together and make us stronger. Even if we may feel that we agree with someone else more than with each other, our loyalty has to lie with our spouse. Simply "taking sides" with someone else can create a wall between us.
We were serious when we took those vows. And we're still serious about them now. We made a commitment to fight for our marriage no matter what. And when the goal is to vanquish the problem, and not convince or defeat the other person, we have a common goal, something that we can fight for together. So instead of problems causing a split, they give us something to work together on. And boy, is that a whole lot healthier for our relationship!!Us sporting our "team" T-shirts the night before our wedding. The backs said BRIDE 08 & GROOM 08.
16 hours ago