Bittersweet

Well, all things are a go with the move. We've started to pack and plan. If all goes well, we'll be outta here in 3 weeks. I am incredibly excited about going home. About spending time with my family. But I think I'll be leaving a part of my heart here too.

The statement, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone" is so true. When I was growing up, I always wanted to get out of my small town & never look back. So I did. I moved to the midwest.. only to realize my heart was partly back home. I missed it like crazy.

It' been 2 years since I've lived in Maine. I spent a good part of that time missing it. Now we're going back.

And as much as I expected to feel only excitement, that's not all there is. Somewhere between wishing for my mountains and lakes back and wanting my family closer, I got attached here.

As many times as I complained to Z about my crazy co-workers, it broke my heart to tell them I was leaving. We all grew so close together because of the death of my boss 2 weeks ago. I'll miss them.. and I don't know if I'll ever have a better employer.

As much as I love my own family, I've fallen in love with Z's as well. I'm going to miss them so much. His sisters have become friends, and even those flat cornfields have become somewhat beautiful.

And as blind as I was to it, I've learned a great lesson.

1 Timothy 6:6 (New International Version)

⁶But godliness with contentment is great gain.

It's not enough to try and follow after Christ & be like him. Because how can we really be like him if we're not content with our lives?

It's tough to feel content when we're thousands of miles away from people we love, when we've lost someone close to us, or life's just seeming unfair.

But, God doesn't tell us stuff like this without a promise. The last part of that verse says ".. is GREAT GAIN". And really, God's pretty much the best at giving rewards. If he says that godliness with contentment is going to benefit me, I'll believe him.

I've wasted so much time in my life wanting what I don't have. Whether it's where I'm living, the career I'm in, or even petty stuff like new furniture or a prettier, more popular blog. What a waste.

So, friends, please don't make the same mistakes. You may look back on the little apartment you're in with wonderful memories someday. Enjoy where you're at. Be thankful for what you do have. Don't wish the moments away- embrace them. GROW because of them. Every single situation you come across is an opportunity to grow, and to inspire others. I only wish I'd embraced this lesson sooner. I want to live my life like Paul, and be able to say,

".. for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Phillippians 4:11b-12)